Good News / Bad News

Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news.
Patient: What’s the good news?
Doctor: The good news is they are naming a disease after you!

That’s a little how we feel this week. The good news is that the latest version of AudioOrchard is now live and you can check it out. And you should check it out. It’s pretty cool if we do say ourselves. There are lots of goodies in this release, but the far-and-away the biggest addition is effects. AudioOrchard now has EQ, Reverb, and Delay. There’s a lot more coming soon, so stay tuned. And, as always, please let us know what features you’d like to see added.

The bad news? AudioOrchard is going away! We’ve received the old “Cease and Desist” from the lawyers. Ok, ok, we’re not exactly going away… just the name is. From now on AudioOrchard will be know as <drumroll> um, we’re not sure yet. That’s where you come in. Let us know which of these names you’d be most likely to tell 1,000,000 of your closest friends about. Or, suggest something else. Really, we’re pretty open.

How are musicians like dogs?

I was introduced to another drummer this past Sunday and, like many musicians I know, we instantly started talking about gear. “What kind of kit do you play? What kind of sticks? Who are your influences? Yada, yada, yada.” After a few minutes of this I guess we each decided the other was all right. But then he made a great observation. Talking about gear is sort of the musicians equivalent to dogs smelling each others butts. It’s how we say “hi”. Too funny.

Did you hear the one about… (2.5 of my favorite music jokes)

#1 – Just before a big gig is about to start, the singer of the band finds his guitar player and drummer about to start throwing punches at each other on stage. He quickly goes to break things up and after quite a while he’s able to get everyone calmed down enough to try and figure out what’s going on. He turns to the drummer and asks “what’s wrong with you? We’re on right now.” The drummer replies “I can’t play because the guitar player threw my last set of sticks out into the audience.” Confused and angry, the singer turns to the guitar player. “This is a huge gig for us, why would you do that?” The guitar player snaps back, “The drummer started it. He turned one of the tunning nob’s on my guitar and he won’t tell me which one!”

#2 – A band leader is having a hard time finding a bass player for an upcoming concert. The only guy available is a jazz bassist and the band leader is hesitant to hire him. He figures the only thing he’ll get from a jazz bassist is bad time and a poor sense of pitch. Worse, he’ll most likely be flaky. But, the band leader has no options and is forced to hire him.

The night of the first rehearsal comes. Everyone is warming up, but the bass player is missing. Annoyed, the band leader gets ready to start. He counts off the first tune and is surprised to hear the bass part come in on the down beat. He looks over to find the bass player in his chair playing. The night goes on and the bass player is incredible. His time is spot on and his musicality really spurs the rest of the band on. But after practice, the band leader goes over to talk to the bassist only to find he’s already left.

The next rehearsal goes the same way. The downbeat hits and the bassist is there, but as soon as the last note is cut off he’s out the door.

By the night of the third and final rehearsal the band leader is on to him and he manages to catch the bass player at the door before he can escape. “I just wanted to tell you, I was pretty nervous about hiring you for this gig, but you’re been perfect. Thank you so much for making every rehearsal and for driving the band musically” says the band leader. The bass player responds “hey man, no worries. I figure it’s the least I can do since I can’t make the gig.”

#2.5 – Q. How do you know when there’s a singer outside your door? A. Because they can’t find the key and no matter how many times you tell them, they won’t come in!

Ba dump bump!